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"Teach her to reject likeability. Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, a self that is honest and aware of the equal humanity of other people... We teach girls to be likeable, to be nice, to be false. And we do not teach boys the same. This is dangerous. Many sexual predators have capitalized on this. Many girls remain silent when abused because they want to be nice. Many girls spend too much time trying to be "nice" to people who do them harm. Many girls think of the "feelings" of those who are hurting them. This is the catastrophic consequence of likeability. We have a world full of women who are unable to exhale fully because they have for so long been conditioned to fold themselves into shapes to make themselves likeable...
So instead of teaching Chizalum to be likeable, teach her to be honest. And kind. And brave. Encourage her to speak her mind, to say what she really thinks... And then praise her when she does..." Eighth Suggestion
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Add a CommentI love that this book exists. I'm sad that it's unlikely to be read by those who need to read it. I'd love to see it incorporated into school curricula (likely around the middle school or junior high level), but no doubt certain political factions would complain vehemently about their children being required to read a book that explains that raising a girl to consider boys and girls (and men and women) to be equally important was "pushing a liberal agenda". Which is too bad. Because their kids are precisely the ones who need to be exposed to that concept.
Simple language explaining things that I consider to be common sense - like the fact that a father looking after his child is parenting not "babysitting". Adichie has perfectly explained feminism as I see it: The expectation that both genders will be held to the same standard. That girls should have access to the same toys/opportunities/etc. as boys. That fair distribution of parental labour doesn't mean bean counting and making sure that each parent does the same number of things every day but that neither parent resents the other for not contributing. That femininity and feminism are completely compatible - feminism simply promotes that idea that women get to CHOOSE whether or not they want to dress up and wear makeup.
For my part, I was struck by the fact that all of the names were ones that were new to me. And then I had to ask myself why I noticed that. And I learned a few details about the Igbo culture, another name that was new to me. Which tells me that I need to seek out more books written by authors from other cultures. Adichie was not trying to educate me about other cultures, but she did. A little bit, at least.
As I read A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions my curiosity was enlivened with the query, "How different would I be if not raised this way, but at least been given this wise counsel?" My Inner Knowing says "Very altered. More Empowered. More Courageous. More Me." As always, Chimamanda articulates many of my thoughts and feelings, which I find affirming and Inspiring. Every parent of a Daughter, every Aunt & Uncle, every GodParent, every Teacher, every Child Care Provider should put this manifesto into action boldly and immediately since it's never too early or too late. And if you have Sons, and or know boys and young Men, raise them to Love and Honour the Feminine and Masculine within themselves, so they can grow into Men who not only consciously Care and Respect Women but Mama Earth as well since these things are inextricably linked.
Read this book with your significant other! It brings up extremely important conversations and is very enriching to the relationship in whatever way necessary.
Read this book alone! It brings up extremely important topics to think deeply on as a human being.
Read this book aloud with a friend on a road trip! That's what I did, and it was phenomenal.
An insightful and succinct list of suggestions on how we might alter our behaviours and words to advance gender parity; told through a personal and friendly voice. A quick little read that's well worth it.
Good present for girl's baby showers. Let's stop screwing up our daughters.
A must read to better ourselves.
This is a book that every new, and old, parent should read. I would argue that it is a guide to raising a child to be a decent human being, along with raising strong girls. There is some good all round advice about being a new parent. I also found myself reflecting on my life and how being "a girl" shaped it. Adichie is very good at getting to heart of things, of making things plain.
This is one of those books that I wish I could fold up and always carry with me. I have the urge to just clutch it to my chest and dole out bits of its wisdom when needed. In Dear Ijeawele, Adichie offers her 15 suggestions for raising a feminist daughter, told in the form of a letter to a childhood friend who recently became a mother. But this is a book not just for mothers of daughters, but mothers of sons, and fathers, and childless men and women, this is a book for everyone.
The perfect gift for a mother! This short, wonderful book made me want to stand up and say YES!
An inspiring, succinct essay with advice on how to raise and empower young girls to be strong women. The themes are equally important for raising feminist boys.