Old Father William's Well-ordered Universe
A Generally Reliable Compendium of Facts, Figures and Formulae, Specifically Intended for the Bathroom-bound (and Those Who Love Them)Book - 2008
In this topsy turvy world, look to Old Father William to reveal to you the extraordinary order of the universe. Old Father William has retreated to the smallest room in the house. There, in the full flush of solitude, he gathers the worldly strands and snippets that filter into his hermitage and does his addled best to weave them into something, anything, that will help him make sense of the dreadful universe that heaves and churns on the other side of the walls.
Keith Richards and George Bernard Shaw were both damaged when they fell from trees. Prince Philip, husband of the Queen of England, and John Holmes, the star of over 2,000 pornographic movies, were both born on the kitchen table: different tables in different kitchens, it's true. But nonetheless: what does it mean? What famous composer was autopsied in a tool shed? What was the name of the woman who invented the dishwasher in a tool shed? When did Mr. Harley and Mr. Davidson invent their motorcycle in a tool shed and what do they have to do with Pamela Anderson, anyway? And what, what, what does it mean when you put it all together?
Whether you labour over these pages or whether you read them in quick and easy spurts, this is a book that will make you want to skip to the loo, my darling. Let the private sanctum of the bathroom become for you, as it has become for Old Father William, a place as much about making sense as making scents.
Old Father William's Well-Ordered Universe includes musings on:
* unfortunate incidents connected to shaving
* when wigs go wrong
* things people keep under their pillows
* people born on trains; people dying on trains
* finishing moves and the wrestlers who use them
* things that have happened in sheds
* back-of-the-napkin sketches